Price Behind A Success

                                     

A week ago, I had a video conference with my friends in college. We talked about a lot of things that we missed lately since we couldn't meet because of COVID-19 pandemic that forced them to go back to their hometown and left their dormitory. One topic that caught my interest was when we had to describe our first impression when we met at the first time. Both of my friends said to me that at the beginning of the semester, they never thought that I will be as cool as now. They even didn't know that I existed since I was very reserved and didn't exert myself to make friends. I never actively participated in class since I was too afraid to ask question  or as simple as raise my hand. It is very contrast condition compared to nowadays after achieving several achievements that makes my photos and name being published in my department, everyone in english department starts to know me as the one who always seeking for achievements. 

Achievement and successfulness.

Two words that have luxurious meaning and becoming someone's purpose in life. Someone who can achieve those things are often being labelled as the ideal type of human beings that we should be imitate to get better life. However, is it true? Should we imitate those ideal type to get much better life in the future?

Well, well...

That's a society standard after all. You might agree or disagree, both of them are okay as long as you like. 

However, sometimes we glorify achievements and succesfulness by ignoring the dark side behind it. I will give myself for example. During my college life, I spent a lot of time to improve my qualification by joining several opportunities like exchange, competitions, and organization. Luckily, I 've got some awards from that, but obviously after failing many times. In fact, not many people interested with my failure stories (which might be very long) because they only admire my shining trophies or medals instead. They asked me what path that I take so I can get those awards but when it comes to the failure story they don't really interested anymore.

I've just realized that many people might forget that there is a price that must be paid behind the glorious award. 

I'll take my experience to China for example. In 2018, I had a great chance to go to China and did a community service program (KKN in Indonesian language). Going abroad and the program counted as KKN so I didn't need to take the real KKN later in the 7th semester seems legit, right?

However, there is a dark story behind that. Something that I never published to anyone since it still quite hurts for me until now. But, today I want to share with you what truly happened at that year.

                                        

It was on June 2018 when there was a selection to send selected athletes to compete in international event in Malaysia. The selection is being held in 4 days but I miss the last day since I had a listening quiz at that time. I didn't hope to much for being shortlisted but I did!. The commitee selected 6 men and 6 women as a representatives of my campus and Indonesia of course in that event. I was really happy because I was the only 2nd semester student from non-sport department who passed. Actually I still faced some worries if I couldn't make it because from 6 candidates, I ranked the 6th position. It is still possible if I was being eliminated right? But then my coach gave me a lot of advices that I should be optimist that I can join the tournament. 

As the time went by, I joined the practice sessions which are very hard for me. I spent a lot of time to practice below very hot day every single day. I also manage some of the requirements including the passport making which is not quite cheap for the unpaid student like me. I also still had to find out the appropriate tools because the tournament only allowed the international standard tools which is only several people who have that-and not me, of course-. 

When all of the needs and the requirements almost finished, suddenly I've got a sudden news that informed me that only the best four athletes who will be send to Malaysia to press the university fund.

What a surprised.

.

.

I really wanted to throw away my passport at that time but thanks God I still can manage myself properly.  I was very sad, very very sad. The information was announced around 2-3 weeks before the departure and I'd already did a lot of preparations for that. I ended up locking myself inside the house for several weeks ahead because what I supposed to do then? Seeing my friends (well, they are seniors actually) would go to Malaysia without me really hurt my heart. One of the good news was my dad's boss offered me to join exchange to China in October. I wanted to reject it at first, but I thought that it was Allah's faith for me so my passport will be used in that year, so I accepted it/

I was almost quit from woodball until I had to face a fact that I still have another provincial tournament in October. With all of the shuttered heart I started to practice again in August, 2018. The practice was quite hard because I did it for 2,5 months, longer than what I did for the international tournament. When the day come, I was quite confident to do my best. I thought that after everything that I experienced, those hard practice, tiring times, and etc I will be able to perform my best. 

But I was wrong.

Many things happened but the most annoying thing was when my coach blamed me because of misunderstanding. It happened one day before the final day and dropped my mental significantly. 

What a perfect moment to blame someone, Sir.

I was very sad again. In addition, my lecturer also blamed me for 'achieving a medal in non linear field'.  She said that I should move to sport department instead of studying english if I joined these kind of competition.

Wow. What a super motivation, Ma'am.

In the very desperate moment I still had to prepare to go to China in a few days in the condition when my home was being moved at that time. So can you imagine how messy it was? Well in short, I arrived in China safely and going back to Indonesia with a very happy feeling since I really enjoyed my time in China. Adventure is tiring but it really recharges your energy!.

Well, my story didn't stop in there. After going back to Indonesia I missed a lot of assignments and lessons after being absent for almost one month. I tried to finish all of them one by one and crying before started it. One more epic moment was I also being informed that my friend in one division in my students association would quit. It means that for next period I will become the only one coordinator in my batch who will take care the juniors in my division alone.

I will say it again.

Alone.

What a very epic moment to close the story right?:D

Well as you can see, even though going abroad is my biggest dream, but still I have to pay very expensive price to fulfill that. Going to China is like heaven for me, but all of the experience that I faced before was worth as hell. 

What I'm going to tell you is, it's okay to dream high. We must have a goal in our life so we can live by a purpose. However, please don't forget that the higher your dream, the higher the effort too. You will face unpredictable obstacles along the way to achieve your dream, and that's totally okay. 

The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. 

If you aim something high, you will face many hard things too. I tell you this because I want you to be ready that life is ready to shape you into better person. So, don't be afraid because I believe, if you do it passionately, you will get what you want, no matter how hard it is.